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Tolle Tuesday...

[T]his is how most humans live all the time. No situation or event is ever really finished..."let go of the story" -- and return to the only place of power: the present moment.



I remember how I lived in college -- it was very much a continuing story for me. I constantly thought of where I'd been and where I was headed. I'd plan everything based on where I thought I should be in 6, 8, even 12 months from then. It was a hard way to live, and it took years to break myself of that habit.

Nowadays, I seldom think past current times, but I still find myself getting caught up in the story. Tolle describes it like a duck with a human mind: a duck is enjoying his pond when there's another duck who tries to share it. The duck doesn't like it, so he flaps his wings to scare the other duck away. The other duck moves to another part of the pond, and the two continue peacefully. But if he had a human mind, the duck would watch the other duck and seethe, perhaps planning on their next encounter and what he might do differently...and yeah, this is such a human thing to do.

Letting go is such a challenge, and sometimes I feel like I go into every situation with certain people with the history of every single meeting on my mind -- and worse, because I'll also include everything that could have happened. My MIL is one of those people who seems to bring this out in me. All I have to hear is that she's coming, and I feel every muscle in my body tense...and what I truly want is to be able to let all our past go (along with my worries about what could be coming) and just live in the moment.

I'm working on it. :) How do you 'let go' of your stories with challenging people in your life?

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
olmue
Apr. 10th, 2012 02:54 pm (UTC)
I was just talking with my sister about letting go/disengaging in situations like this, and how it's important to do, but it's HARD when you're in the situation. I don't think I deal well when I'm there--so I do a lot to avoid/prevent being there in the first place. But sometimes, you can't. For me, it does help to think through what might happen as a result of possible actions on my part, and try to pick the one that is er, the least painful. But again, it doesn't always happen like that... Sometimes you want to disengage, but the other person grips tighter when you try. Hugs, and good luck!!
robinellen
Apr. 10th, 2012 03:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! You're so right that it's easier when you're not in the midst of it...then I get so tense when it actually occurs. I'm hoping to take tons of deep breaths and try to let it go (my MIL is coming this weekend -- and then again in one month -- too often for my peace of mind).
lorrainemt
Apr. 10th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC)
I've noticed that when I have a hard time letting go it's because there is something that I'm expecting or wanting from that other person. Often it's just the desire that they change or act differently, and that's just not totally accepting what is.

So before just letting something go, I try to look deeply into what's keeping me bound to the tension. This is something I had to do for many years before I came to a place of letting things go with my mom. Once I was clear within myself about what I was fearing/dreading/wishing, that's when I could let go.

But there is also a place for setting boundaries with difficult people. And I know that's not easy. But once we're clear within ourselves, the boundary setting is moved by love rather than from fear or anger.

All the best with it, Robin. I know it's not easy! But I love the way you look at things and grow with the challenges. Thanks for sharing.
robinellen
Apr. 10th, 2012 05:27 pm (UTC)
Often it's just the desire that they change or act differently, and that's just not totally accepting what is.

Boy, that's definitely the case here! I like the idea of figuring out what's keeping me bound -- and I know part of it is the desire for control over the situation on my part.

This is good advice :) Thanks, Lorraine!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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