January 29th, 2009

columbines

Learning...

D missed the bus this morning -- so I drove him to the next bus stop, with him protesting the entire way. "It's embarrassing," he cried. I tried to explain to him that it shouldn't be -- that everyone misses the bus sometime...and funny how those words are already coming back to haunt me ;)

Yesterday, I went in to help in his classroom (my weekly visit). His teacher had the day off (she spent it with friends -- good for her!) and the student teacher took over. It was weird for me to watch. I haven't had such painful reminders of my beginning forays into teaching in a while. I forgot how truly awkward I was when I started -- but watching her brought it all back. Yikes! I still have dreams (when I'm stressed) about being in that situation again -- a place where the kids won't listen, where I can't command their respect, where chaos erupts and there's nothing I can do. This girl was just about there. When I had to leave, I was afraid it might implode on her (a sub was also there -- but she didn't know how to handle this class, either). D assured me the rest of the day went okay, so apparently if she felt as out of control as she was, she didn't let the kids know it ;)

As a 40-year old, there aren't many areas in my life where I'm starting at the beginning of the learning curve again. But if (when?) I finally get a publishing contract, I'll be there. I'm not at the beginning for this part of writing (ha!) -- I've done the write/revise/rewrite/revise/query/sub/wait thing for a while now. I definitely feel like all there is left to learn about this part is an Offer. (And yes, I know a number of you are in the same boat.)

Reading all these wonderful ARCs, though, has been an eye-opener about the next stage. Whether or not I reach it personally, I'm trying to learn through others...it's interesting. There are so many things completely out of a writer's control -- perhaps even more than before the contract. I'm watching my friends who debut this year with amazement. You all seem so calm and so wise :)

There's always something more to learn, isn't there?

Oh, I thought of a way to include the Debs in the contest, btw...I'll plan to post tomorrow morning, around 8 am SMT. I hope to see you here!