robinellen (robinellen) wrote,

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Showing appreciation...

I read a funny (and all-too-accurate) list the other day -- which I would link to, but I'm lazy. Anyway, it was a list of what people think about writers as partners/spouses compared to what's really going on in the writer's head.

It got me thinking about relationships, in general, and how easy it is to allow your partner/spouse to fade into the background during busy and stressful times. I have some friends who get stuck in a grumpy place when this type of thing happens -- both on the receiving and working end. I've talked about it with our camping friends before, and P told me that when she was younger, she wanted grand gestures from M. It wasn't enough that he was busy and stressed out beyond belief, but she would add to that by expecting something huge on his part to show her that she still mattered. Of course, we laugh about that now.

After being a relationship for many years, things change, I think. I was never about the grand gestures, though. When DH is stressed and overworked, little things make all the difference. A hug when he comes in the door -- even if it's a few seconds long -- lets me know that I'm on his mind too. A touch of the hand as he walks by me, a warm smile and an extra second to look into my eyes. Even something more practical, like picking up my favorite bread when he's at the store or getting me some Mike's Hard Lemonade during a beer run.

When life starts kicking my butt, I try to do similar things -- but I have to admit, it comes more naturally for me. I love hugs, so taking time out to hold him benefits me too. I try to make sure I put something in our dinner that he likes. Plus, if we can organize our schedules (which he works at too), I give him a back massage every night before bed.

It amazes me how little it takes for the one we love to know that we still love and appreciate him/her every day. What kinds of things do you do when life is frantic?

(because we have to celebrate the leaves!)
Tags: love
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